Jennifer Hudson has spoken publicly about the brutal slayings, a year and a half ago, of her mother, brother and 7-year-old nephew.

“It’s all a blur, it was surreal,” The 28-year-old American Idol Alum said on VH1’s Behind the Music. “It was like I was outside of myself.”

Hudson’s brother in law, William Balfour, was charged with the killings, which happened in October 2008.

She told VH1 that, “For almost two weeks straight . . . [I was] inside one room with just family and friends coming in and out,” she told the VH1 show. “I prayed when I’d get up in the morning and prayed before I lay down at night.”

An Academy Award Winning actress, Hudson also said she turned down a movie role.

“I was like, I have to get adjusted to who I am,” she said. “I can’t be another character if I don’t even know who I am.”

The Behind the Music episode marks one of the first times Hudson has spoken out about the triple murder, according to the New York Daily News. The Oscar-winning actress has stayed quiet on the subject, though she did post a message on her MySpace one month after the tragic event, which said, “I want to thank each and every one of you for your thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. My sister and I take great comfort and strength from your love and concern.”

She adds that her 11-month-old son with fiancé David Otunga has helped her heal.

David “reminds me of my nephew [Julian],” she said, adding that he “makes me feel like the most special person on Earth. I want him to get the same love and the same upbringing my mother gave us.”

Hudson is set to star in the upcoming Winnie Mandela biopic Winnie.